I’ve been so amazingly inspired by all of the encouraging feedback on my last blog post “hope never comes too late,” although I just remembered that I left something out that was terribly important, thanks to my good friend Gail Hyatt.
Over the years of being a son affected by what most would call being raised by an absent father (ie: fatherlessness), I’ve developed this thing that I’ve just grown to hate, and I call it the “fix it” syndrome. Each time I would talk with my dad, I would always feel like I needed to fix him, talk down to him or just get something out of him that maybe I felt I never had received from him in the past. I felt like I a part of me was missing because he lacked in giving it to me over the years. Well, I couldn’t be more wrong.
This past year I’ve been walking through some really hard things in my life. I’ve determined some pretty major insecurities in my life, but through this process of determining these things I’ve also been encouraged in who God has truly created me to be and reminded me that “I’m not defined by my hardships in life, but by the way that I respond to them,” as mentioned in my last blog. This has been a huge step in my walk to not only forgive my dad for not being there in very important parts of my childhood, but to be fully confident in who I am as a man, a husband and father. Here’s the key. I’ve realized that I no longer need to hear “I love you” “I’m proud of you” and so forth and so on, from my dad anymore, although it’s still meaningful. I am now able to talk to my dad in a way that is not judge mental nor needy anymore. Through finding this new found security in myself, as mentioned before, I have now been able to impact my father in a way that gives him confidence as a person that his son truly does love him despite his difference in lifestyle and struggles. I truly believe that this new love, hope and appreciation that I’ve found in my dad can truly transcend the love that God has for all of us in ways we cannot explain. Through this love, we will also see miracles, such as the hope I now have in my dad (read last post for more). I had to understand that God starts from the inside out and not the inside. A lot of times people can’t truly see how much they care for themselves until they see that unconditional love that those around them have towards them. It’s not about fixing yourself and coming forward, it’s the total opposite. It’s about just “getting out of the way!”
How have you tried to fix someone in the past that you felt completely helpless in doing so? Have you seen this benefit for the best in your and this person?
Great blog friend!
Thanks so much bro! I hope you’re well
Good stuff Daniel! Good reminder that forgiveness is a choice. Even when people don’t deserve it.
That was deep there Daniel. And yes i have tried to fix someone in the past but it didn’t really work. I’ve tried it several times but then it just got to the point where it wasn’t really working so i gave up on trying to”fix it”.
I hear ya! Thanks for reading Tammy
You are very welcome. I really enjoy reading your blogs. Especially the ones on family & religion. It just saddens me how you & Bryan grew up the way you guys did,but i am so glad that Bud is starting to come around & be ya’lls dad. You & Bryan cherish those moments cause i don’t have either of my parents but i do have my memories of them. I mean i have my in-laws but that’s just not the same to me. Oh by the way you guys have a very beautiful mom, now i see where you & bryan get your looks from.
Thank you for being so transparently inspirational. Great post.
God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. Looks like you’ve experienced this grace first hand.
In Orthodox Christian theology, we see salvation as a process (past, present and future) not only as a one time event. Often we encourage each other, when going through tough things, by saying, “This is necessary for your salvation.” By this we mean, that this difficulty is the very tool which God is using, the very areana where God is scultping us, transforming us into the likenss of Himself.
It is evident to me that your childhood and relationship with your father has been, and continues to be, necessary for your salvation. Thanks be to God.
Absolutely! Well said and thanks so much for your encouragement and for pushing me to post a follow up.
Thanks for being so open Daniel – a wonderful post, very inspirational!
PS – great to run into you yesterday!
Absolutely Jennifer, thanks for taking the time to read. We don’t get anywhere in life or help others by just bottling in the things that we walk through and learn. I’m a firm believer that we don’t go through our rough times for just us, but so that we’ll understand what others are going through around so we can help them trough it.
Daniel, I am glad you found out early in life who needed fixed [you or your father]. My sister had this problem with our father and waited until he was dying to try and change it and he did not accept it, she has paid for it every since and is not a happy person. Life is to short to not enjoy it the best you can with everbody in your life,accepting somethings and not trying to change them is part of growing. LOVE ENDURES. There is a saying: THE WEAK CAN NEVER FORGIVE _ FORGIVENESS IS THE ATTRIBUTE OF THE STRONG You are the strong one now but I have faith your father will come around just walk softly Pat
Thanks so much Pat!
that was amazing,man…really inspiring…got teary eyed here..same feeling here man,to my father.
Samm, I’m so glad it moved you. Hopefully it’ll help you work through the things you need to with you father relationship. Thanks for reading and I wish you well!
Give it to God, he will fix it. Love you