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How Many Plates Are You Juggling?

Photo Courtesy of DonBMinistries.com

I find it amazing the difference between our lives now compared to life 150 years ago. The stories that I’ve heard time and time again from my grandparents about how simple yet hard working their lives were, always amaze me. They did their work during the day, ate dinner, had family time and had zero distractions other than entertainment with the family and then it was bedtime. Their entertainment generally always involved other, as they occasionally went in to town for some entertainment on the weekend or when they could afford it. Now we have laptop computers, multiple social networks that we just HAVE to check and update BEFORE we play with our kids or even do our chores around the house or kiss our spouse goodnight. It has become not just another plate to juggle, but a way of life.

Now, I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m one of those people that can be easily distracted with too many things going on. I am by all means not pointing a finger, but I believe there is a balance of all the things that you have going on. The first thing we need to do is prioritize. Make sure that you have the right plates in your hand before you start juggling. I strongly believe that technology and social networks are truly a wave of our future in business, and can be highly affective in sparking new relationship and building your business or personal brand, but hopefully not at the expense of your family. That’s where I think we get our priorities out of wack! I never was a guy that brought his work home and I’ve been pretty good at leaving that stuff at the office mostly because it was physical work and not social work. Now I have a facebook account, twitter, blog and am helping multiple people with theirs, it’s much harder to prioritize my time. It makes it even more difficult for me cause I am a about all things relational. Not only that, but I have multiple hobbies, such as hunting, fishing, chores around the house and make sure that my family believes that I am not just physically with them, but that I’m mentally there with them as well. This takes a lot of work, but I just have to know the right plates to juggle and at the right time. I don’t have any profound theology on the right thing to do here, but I’m just wanting to spark this thought and make you stop and determine that your priorities are in the right place.

Are you juggling too many plates right now? If so, are they in the right priority? If not, why not?

get out of the way!!!

I’ve been so amazingly inspired by all of the encouraging feedback on my last blog post “hope never comes too late,” although I just remembered that I left something out that was terribly important, thanks to my good friend Gail Hyatt.

Over the years of being a son affected by what most would call being raised by an absent father (ie: fatherlessness), I’ve developed this thing that I’ve just grown to hate, and I call it the “fix it” syndrome. Each time I would talk with my dad, I would always feel like I needed to fix him, talk down to him or just get something out of him that maybe I felt I never had received from him in the past. I felt like I a part of me was missing because he lacked in giving it to me over the years. Well, I couldn’t be more wrong.

This past year I’ve been walking through some really hard things in my life. I’ve determined some pretty major insecurities in my life, but through this process of determining these things I’ve also been encouraged in who God has truly created me to be and reminded me that “I’m not defined by my hardships in life, but by the way that I respond to them,” as mentioned in my last blog. This has been a huge step in my walk to not only forgive my dad for not being there in very important parts of my childhood, but to be fully confident in who I am as a man, a husband and father. Here’s the key. I’ve realized that I no longer need to hear “I love you” “I’m proud of you” and so forth and so on, from my dad anymore, although it’s still meaningful. I am now able to talk to my dad in a way that is not judge mental nor needy anymore. Through finding this new found security in myself, as mentioned before, I have now been able to impact my father in a way that gives him confidence as a person that his son truly does love him despite his difference in lifestyle and struggles. I truly believe that this new love, hope and appreciation that I’ve found in my dad can truly transcend the love that God has for all of us in ways we cannot explain. Through this love, we will also see miracles, such as the hope I now have in my dad (read last post for more). I had to understand that God starts from the inside out and not the inside. A lot of times people can’t truly see how much they care for themselves until they see that unconditional love that those around them have towards them. It’s not about fixing yourself and coming forward, it’s the total opposite. It’s about just “getting out of the way!”

How have you tried to fix someone in the past that you felt completely helpless in doing so? Have you seen this benefit for the best in your and this person?

hope never comes too late

My brother took this photo on my dad's back porch this year (photo edited by www.Mellowtown.com)

CONTEMPLATION: I have tried to blog about this topic multiple times. I have at least 3 drafts I’ve starting in regards to my Dad and the struggles that have taken over his life and infiltrated his family in many ways throughout the last 20 years. I just never felt right to post them, knowing that there was never any hope in them. I now have some hope to share and I’m ecstatic to do so, but before I do I need to share a brief back story. Here ya go!

MY DAD
William (Bud) White, a man of passion, creativity, entertainment, compassion, sensitivity and amazing talent, but inside of him you’ll also find addiction, rage, anger, insecurity, bitterness, unforgivness and the inability to express his feelings, but most importantly…….my Dad. These are some words that just come out of me when thinking of him.

THE BACK STORY
My brother and I come from a broken home. A home of multiple divorces and confusion amongst the both of us as to who to receive guidance and love from. Was it our Mom and Dad or our grandparents, whom helped raise us in our early years or both. These were questions that I’m sure stirred in our little adolescent minds back then. Our Dad was an amazing musician as well as our mother who played night clubs to put food on the table. Therefore, I would say that we grew up with very unconventional childhoods compared to most, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything as its made us who we are today. It was tough then and I can say we still feel some residue at times from it. But it was definitely cool to say our parents were rock stars by trade….well, local rock stars at least.

THE FAMILY DISCONNECT
I lost touch with our Dad was when my older brother and I moved in with our Mother full time when I was the age of twelve. What was perceived in my mind is that once we were out, our Dad felt that his job was done. I didn’t really get a call from him much after that and I think I remember only one fishing trip since then, compared to the every weekend weekend outings that we once had when we lived with him. During this time I really had no idea what he did throughout the year until I saw him at Christmas time at the grandparents, never knowing that he was just going downhill on many levels. Throughout these years he just never seemed happy with life, happy with his relationship with his own Dad and honestly, I don’t remember my Dad really ever being happy unless he was playing music or fishing. Everything else was just an inconvenience and work.

THINGS I MISSED OUT ON
Throughout these years of losing touch with my Dad in my early teen years, were some of the years that I needed him most, but the years that I actually lived with him were honestly some of my most memorable though. Mostly I needed him to tell me who I was and why I was feeling the things I was feeling as a young teenager; how to defend myself, take care of myself and how and when to talk to girls. He was quite good at that I must say, as landed my Mom and she was, is and always will be a knockout! Needless to say, I needed him something terribly and still miss him and need him in many ways that he may never understand.

THE HOPE
Now here’s the part where the HOPE comes in. I wrote in one of my drafted blogs that “I haven’t talked to my Dad in over two years.” I can’t say that now cause HOPE has truly entered the equation since he now has a phone and I’ve been able to call him once a week for the past 4 weeks. They have been interesting conversations to say the least, but amazing. I had actually given up on my Dad a long time ago and even found it tough to pray for him anymore. These recent conversations have rekindled my hope in what God can do. My father has never acknowledged his grandkids, let alone, that I even had two sons nor did he ask how they were. EVER! It was always about him and that’s that. He was always a very “woe is me” type of guy and very overcome by various addictions. Super talented musician, as I mentioned above, and loves animals and some times people, but just didn’t love himself. I’ve never seen any change in him over 20 years…….UNTIL this past month. Only after the 4th call, and with me not telling him how to live his life, as I used to in the past, he has written me a letter asking about the boys in detail.He has also mentioned on the phone that he’s so proud of me and he loves me very much. This truly has made my decade! For most, this wouldn’t mean a thing, but for me this means EVERYTHING and shows that God can change what we think is the impossible. As far as I know, my dad is still living his same life on the outside, but for the first time in 20 years I’m seeing his life changing from the inside.

In the words of my pastor Pete Wilson, “our lives we live are not about being powerful, beautiful, rich or talented, it’s about your character” and I’m seeing that happen and transform right before my eyes, in a once hopeless man who I call my father.

MY HOPE
I’m not sure it this means anything you, but sometimes we just need to write something for our own self to help us deal with things in our own way. I am a firm believer in the face that we’re not defined by our hardships, but by the way we respond to them. This is my story, and I’ve embraced it. That is only going to make me a better father to my two boys, Nolan and Parker.

Here’s a song that my brother Bryan White wrote, produced and performed regarding this very topic. Enjoy!

“When You Come Around”

Thanks for reading. If you connected with anything that I’ve shared, I’d love to hear your story as well.

be where you are

In a day and age where we are surrounded by cell phones, wi-fi, computers in every place we go, social networks just screaming our name and demanding our immediate response, how do we do it? How do we get through the day without our heads exploding? It was tough enough back in the day, not to be overloaded with just our jobs, kids, hobbies and extra curricular activities and not being surrounded by technology all the time, I just don’t see how we do it now with all of the extra work we put on ourselves.

I have recently been humbled by my 4 years old son, Nolan. I had an overwhelming urge to ask Nolan what the least favorite thing about his Daddy was. I was truly taken back and would have never have guessed his answer. He said “Dad, my least favorite thing is when you talk on your iPhone.” I paused…………WOW! Needless to say, I took the week off from the iPhone at home and now give my kids more attention when I’m with them. Crazy that was the first thing on his mind and I didn’t take that lightly.

What are those things in your life that you believe are keeping you from your kiddos, work or just those around you? I heard someone say not long ago, “BE WHERE YOU ARE.” I am very guilty of physically being where I am, yet am mentally somewhere else.

I would like to encourage each one of you to “BE WHERE YOU ARE” this week. You’ll see a huge change for the better in your relationships and quality of work in all that you do, I can assure you of this.

QUESTION:
Please comment below the things that you feel might be keeping you from “Being where you are.”

I’m giving away 5 copies of The Search for God & Guinness by Stephen Mansfield

That’s right. I’m giving away five copies of The Search For God & Guinness by Stephen Mansfield which is currently out by Thomas Nelson Publishers. I recently wrote a quick overview of the impact this book has had on my life and you can read it HERE. Please check it out!

The Search for God and Guinness is about WAY more than just business, the art of beer making and Irish history, it’s about…

* living your faith in the real world
* caring about your staff even more than your product
* investing in your community and the world around you
* all the good that wealth can do when used to the glory of God

Get A Copy and share your impact with another

Here’s how you can get this book for FREE. I’ll keep it simple.

[ You must leave a BRIEF comment on this blog and tell me what intrigues you the most about the title of the book and why you would like to have this book for yourself..................]

You may ask, why do I feel compelled to give these books away. Well, because I was given this book by a great friend of mine Spence Smith, and I know what an amazing impact it has already been on my life and I want others to share in that. Thomas Nelson has been gracious enough to give me 5 copies of the book so I could blessed others the same way that I was blessed.

I will decide who the winners are on Monday, January 25th morning and notify you by email. Don’t forget to check out my overview HERE, which has an amazing video from the author, before you comment.

Have fun and I really look forward to reading all of your comments!

Pain can bring you closer

Welcome everyone to the year 2010. As you can see in the picture that we really started out with a bang in our household by our 15 month old kiddo Parker cracking his Tibia bone in his leg playing with his big brother of 4. Thank God I was close by to catch Parker or it could have been worse. Poor little guy.

I’ll tell you what though, this has definitely made our family closer. My wife and I are on the floor with the kids more playing, and we’re paying even closer attention to the kids needs due to this injury. Not that we weren’t doing a good job before hand, but it just makes you appreciate your kids more and pushes you to give them more “you”, thus bringing a stronger bond and love amongst your family.

My challenge to each of you would be to not wait around for something like this to happen, but give your kids all you have today.

Can any of you relate to this post? If so, please share your brief thought or story by commenting. I truly want to hear.

I didn’t know Clark W. Griswold lived down the street from me

This house is right down the street from ours and we love going to it each year. There is never a light out and always a dozen cars pulled over on the side of the road just mesmerized by all the lights and creativity! If you want to see this house in person, it’s on Holt Rd. between Nolensville and Edmonson Pike in the Brentwood area East of 65. It’s quite a sight to see!

are you on a group date with God?

My wife and I go round and round on this very question ALL THE TIME, “are you on a group date with God?” Picture yourself wanting to go out with a certain girl, or boy. They are everything you have ever wanted in a boyfriend or girlfriend, but you always just go on group dates. There are never any intimate moments or personal conversations. You may always just be learning about this person through your friends in the group or the occasional nod. You may look at each other from across the room and wave and enjoy each others smiles, but never actually hold hands or event share a soda with two straws. [taken it old school on that one].

I believe that this is what a lot of us do with God, including me. You always pack in your week with bible studies and church meetings, prayer meetings and worship times yet you never ever have YOU time with God. Now I’m not saying not to live in community and have strong accountability (Heb 11:6), but there’s a reason why God wants a personal relationship with YOU. Trust me he has a personal relationship with them as well, we hope. I say this just as a reminder to myself that I need personal time with God more than anything while I live in community with others.

If there’s anyone out there that can connect with this or even add to this, please feel free to comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Merry Christmas from The Whites

Make a Smilebox greeting

To all that are able to read and view our Christmas card this year, know that we wish you the most wonderful time this Christmas Season with your families. If you don’t have anyone to share this Christmas Season with, know that there is a God in heaven, who is the true reason for this season, that loves you dearly, and is with you always.

Merry Christmas from my family to yours,
Daniel, Lindsay, Nolan and Parker